Red and Scabby

It’s the day before my first job that actually relies on my physical appearance. I’m interviewing as a promo model, and my job is going to be to be cute and friendly and make people want to buy the product. And today, of course, my face is sunburnt and I have a scab above my lip that looks like I had a cold sore.

Maybe this is what I get for even daring to try a job like this, for daring to think my looks were something I could count on even for a day. I’ve stressed out about this interview for days and I’m scared shitless now. Not only do I feel socially unworthy, but now physically as well.

Ironically, perhaps, I’m my ideal weight. I don’t know if being a butterface is going to get me the job though.

I’m not ready to put myself through this anxiety death trap. Why did I sign up to be judged? I can’t handle that pressure even when it’s just perceived.

I really don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into, but right now it does not feel good.

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